Queer Astrology for Women: An Astrological Guide for Lesbians

A hilariously irreverent and startlingly insightful astrology guide for lesbians.

Jill Dearman is a breakthrough astrologer for our time. No one has approached the stars with her sass and class ever before! Her guide to astrology for lesbians is lively, revealing–and naughty!

Sections include: in life, in bed, how to seduce her, doing her and dating her, how to last over the long haul, how to get rid of her, and the three faces of each sign.

How to get rid of an Aquarius woman: Ms. Aquarius will pack her bags soon after you start invading her personal space and drowning her in too much nonstop and irrational cemotion. Ms. Aquarius hates to feel trapped, so if you slowly take away all her freedoms, you will be watching her walk out the door faster than you can sing “This is the dawning of the…”

The Cancer woman is intensely emotiona…and her moods change with the tides. Not that you can every completely figure her out. Would you dare to assume you could understand the sea or fully absorb or comprehend a beautiful piece of music? Or course not, you silly lesbian. So don’t patronize this lovely woman.

But getting rid of a Cancer woman: Please don’t be a cad and pull off the old “I’m going out for a pack of cigarettes (or a bag of Kitty Litter)” and never come back routine. She’ll have your mother sitting with her and holding her hand, worrying, before you’ve made it past the border.

And a complete compatibility profile of each astrological combination:

Take Aries and Cancer: The best par? They can be fiercely loyal and protective of each other. The worst part? They instinctively know how to hurt each other’s feelings and often do, in a most brutal way. Ms. Aries, ruled by fire strikes quickly and forcefully and without thinking. “Don’t each that doughnut! It’ll make you fat!” Ms Cancer, ruled by water, knows how to create a mood of subtle emotional torture. “I don’t feel like being touched…No, I don’t want to be alone. Can’t we just sit together in the same room and not talk and not touch and not make such a big deal about it?”